I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
