my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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