I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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