I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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