Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
