You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
