oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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