Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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