Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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