You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I need a beard to bite.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
