She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
