oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
