you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My dick has a subreddit
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
