I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
