So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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