This girl is more easily done than said...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize