hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
