me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
