somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
