I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
