whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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