Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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