I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Randomize
