so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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