I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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