I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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