I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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