Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
