I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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