Pappa wants mamma naked
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Randomize
