i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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