The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
