A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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