Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
