You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
