Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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