If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
