Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Use "feeling words"
Yay
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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