WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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