Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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