I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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