remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
