I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
