We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
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