The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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