i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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