The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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