If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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