everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
