Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I want to fling myself into the sun
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
