I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
the condom got lost in my hair
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
