hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
