Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
