i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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