Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
