is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
