My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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