I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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