I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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