Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
where are my eyebrows?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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