When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
