I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
