see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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