I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
